I need to get better at reminding myself to do this....
The Art of Letting Go ============== Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Comments: Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint youin some way. They'll say something or fail to saysomething that will hurt you. And they'll do somethingor fail to do something that will anger you. It'sinevitable. Unfortunately, you make things worse whenyou stew over someone's words and deeds. When youdwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action madeby another person, you're headed for deeper problems.In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the morebitter you'll get. You'll find your joy, peace andhappiness slipping away. And you'll find yourproductivity slowing down as you spend more and moretime thinking about the slight or telling others aboutit. Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'lleven get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betraysyou? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Eventhough the other person may be at fault, even thoughthe other person wronged you, you are stillresponsible for your own feelings. In other words, other people do not "cause" yourfeelings. You choose them. For example, two differentpeople could be told that their suggestions made atthe staff meeting were "stupid and idiotic." Oneperson may "choose" to feel so hurt that he neverspeaks up at any other meeting again. The other personmay "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry thatthe critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity ofher suggestions. As long as you blame other people for your feelings,as long as you believe other people caused yourfeelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim. But if you recognize the fact that you choose yourfeelings and you are responsible for your feelings,there's hope. You can take some time to think aboutyour feelings. And you can decide what is the bestthing to say or do. Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROMDISAPPOINTMENT. It's difficult to do, but it'spossible. The famous 19th century Scottish historian,Thomas Carlyle, proved that. After working on his multi-volume set of books on "TheFrench Revolution" for six years, Carlyle completedthe manuscript and took volume one to his friend JohnStuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it. Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw themanuscript into the fire. In agony, Mill went toCarlyle's house to tell him that his work had beendestroyed. Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, "That'sall right, Mill. These things happen. It is a part oflife. I will start over. I can remember most of it, Iam sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go,myfriend! Do not feel bad." As Mill left, Carlylewatched him from the window. Carlyle turned to hiswife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushedI am by this misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, headded, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had betterstart writing again." Carlyle finally completed thework, which ranks as one of the great classics of alltime. He had learned to walk away from hisdisappointment. After all, what could Carlyle have done about hisburnt manuscript? Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected themanuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter orget started. And what can you do about anything onceit is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if itis possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't.Those are your only two choices. Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up.It's like the farmer who had an old mule who fell intoa deep dry well. As he assessed the situation, he knewit would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift theheavy mule out of the deep well. So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well.After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, sohe could solve two problems at once. He could put theold mule out of his misery and have his well filled. The farmer asked his neighbors to help him with theshoveling. To work they went. As they threwshovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on themule's back, the mule became frightened. Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Eachtime they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on hisback, he would shake it off and step up. Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake itoff and step up. In not too long a time, the exhaustedand dirty mule stepped over the top of the well andthrough the crowd. That's the same approach we all need to take. We needto shake it off and step up. Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult,especially when the other person doesn't deserve yourforgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's difficultwhen the other person is clearly in the wrong. Part of the difficulty comes from a commonmisunderstanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person'sbehavior is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean thatthe other person is off the hook. He's stillresponsible for his misbehavior. Forgiveness is aboutletting yourself off the emotional hook. It's aboutreleasing your negative emotions, attitudes, andbehaviors. It's about letting go of the past so youcan go forward to the future. Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job isgoing to disappoint you. If you know how to respond tothose situations, you'll be way ahead of most people.You'll be able to live above and beyond yourcircumstances.
